Restlessness

Recently I've been down and lost with the aim of my life. For some reason a side effect is a difference in how how I treat my body physically. The more unrest my mind becomes the more I try to fix flaws that I see with myself.

With this struggle it starts to spiral to an endless circle of arguments of why I exist. For one I know there is some greater power. The convincing argument for me is the watch in the sand argument. In this argument a man is walking down the beach and finds a watch in the sand. There are two possibilities of its existence, either by random acts of nature that mold the watch or intelligent design. The rest of the essay continues to prove that is has to be made by intelligent design because the workings of a watch are too intricate to be a random act of nature.

This I am convinced, but what is this higher power. Is he an omnicient, ominigood, all knowing essence or just a dickhead that thought it would be funny to make this ant farm we call life. There are times when I am able to see both sides of the argument. Take for instance in something that can be contained on earth. A wolf is born with a bad leg, since it can't run chances are it will either be left behind and eaten by a predator or die off because its not able to find food. Its death is just a random course of nature that we as humans could not have done to save it ... or could we? If someone stumbled on this poor thing, they could have taken it to a veterinarian pumped it full of drugs if it was dying and let a family or zoo adopt it to take care. Its life was saved and it got to finish off the course of its life whether abused, loved, tortured, etc.

Now if God is omnicient, omnigood, all knowing then he could very well just give the dog a good leg to begin with, or intervene in its death. Now, if I take this and apply it to cancer or a premature baby that dies. We can also say that this soul ( which i consider the essence of life ) was chosen to be returned fully into God's world. But what is the justification of this. My human perception of this is a sad one. Why would anyone even think to take the life away from someone who hasn't experienced it. It could be for a higher purpose that I cannot comprehend, but dang from my point of view it is a horrible way to go. Would it want to experience this unrest though? Maybe I am the one in misery of this unknowing.


To be continued